Of Ice and Snow
by liandrin
Summary: KuroxFai. Starts during the Celes arc, and the groups confrontation with Ashura. Lots of spoilers. When Fai is abandoned by his former comrades due to his dark past, he finds himself trapped in a cold ice world and haunted by his memories.


**Of Ice and Snow**

**Chapter One: Empty Smiles  
**

_It was all Kurogane's fault, really_, Fai decided as he struggled to take another breath of icy cold air. He clutched tighter at the body in his arms, his limbs protesting the movement as the biting cold that had stiffened his body sent sparks of pain through him.

After all, it was Kurogane who had been the first of his traveling companions to take interest in him. He was the first to try to see beyond Fai's silly smiles, though Fai had yet to discover his motivation to do so. He assumed it was because the man was a ninja, who was always wary, and perhaps saw the mystery that Fai represented as a threat. 

In which case, he would be correct. Whether Kurogane was aware of it or not, he had unconsciously sensed the danger the mage posed the moment they met. For some reason, though, the ninja had seen this as a reason to try to get closer to the mage, instead of keeping him at arms length like he should have done.

He remembered the first time Kurogane had looked at him and commented on his fake smiles. To say that Fai had been shocked was an understatement. He had not expected any of them to pay enough attention to him to notice anything beyond what he chose to show on the surface. Of course, outwardly he had just shrugged the incident off with yet another empty smile.

But it didn't end there. Kurogane just kept _pushing_.

Fai had warned him, hadn't he? He had warned him not to get close. After all, Fai knew that if any of them knew the truth, they would hate him. Especially Kurogane, the man who prized strength, honesty, and courage above all else. 

But somehow, despite Fai's protests, Kurogane had begun to slip past his defenses. He caught glimpses of Fai's true feelings more frequently as their journey stretched on, and eventually Fai had found himself considering the tall ninja to be more than just a traveling companion. Truthfully, all of them, Sakura, Syaoran, and the other Syaoran included, had managed to find themselves places in his heart. By the time he had realized this fact, it was far too late to be able to do anything about it. All he could do was continue with the charade, and hope that Mokona never took them to land covered in ice and snow. As long as his wish was being granted, he could pretend that they could stay together like that forever.

He should have known that it had all been far too good to be true.

Everything started to go downhill after Syaoran took his eye. Fai had woken up as a vampire, bound forever to survive on Kurogane's blood, and his blood alone. Being bound to someone so closely was the last thing that Fai had ever wanted. He supposed it was 'hitsuzen', yet again.

But he had learned to cope. And Fai found himself growing closer and closer to Kurogane as the days passed, and as the man's blood flowed down his throat and gave him life.

It happened the morning after he and Kurogane had shared their first kiss. The kiss in itself had merely been the result of the slow buildup of their feelings over the last few months. Heated glances, searing touches, Fai's lips lingering seductively on the ninja's neck after a meal, and the feeling of Kurogane's arms as they had wrapped around him possessively and pulled him deeper into the kiss. For the first time, Fai had allowed himself to relax and consider a brighter future.

It was such a new and intoxicating feeling. Nobody had ever looked at him that way before. Kurogane had wanted him then, maybe even . . . Loved him.

Not anymore.

Fai had known that the fleeting dream was over the moment he had felt the cold air bite at his cheeks and his vision was met with a blanket of white.

Now they knew. They knew everything.

As he clutched his dead brothers body close, he allowed himself to look at his former friends. The raw emotion in Kurogane's blood-red eyes was devastating.

He hated him. Fai disgusted him.

_Of course._

Even though he knew it would happen, had anticipated it with dread, why did it still hurt so much? Like someone had hold of his heart and was slowly crushing it in his chest. 

Fai broke eye contact, and glanced down his brothers empty face, wanting to feel just as numb, like a doll.

A pretty, empty doll.

He refused to let the tears fall as he felt an empty smile curve his lips once more, forcing his expression to mirror that of the dead child in his arms.

Ashura stopped in front of him and gave him a soft smile that was at odds with the words that fell from his lips like poison, "Your sins can never be forgiven, Fai."

_I know. I've always known._

Forget the journey, forget emotions, forget everything but the one painful, crucial fact he had known since birth. 

_Is it a sin . . . Just by living? . . . _

_We are twins of misfortune. _

_For the world to be happy, we must be . . . Unhappy._

* * *

_A/N: Ahehe. Don't worry, I haven't abandoned TEB. I just had to get this out first. Hope you liked? BTW, it's going to be a multi-chapter fic. _


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